SELA Dispute Resolution
August 26 at 11:00 AM ·
Dividing community property during a divorce can be stressful and contentious. With SELA's experienced mediators, we can guide parties through the division of assets and liabilities in as little as 4 hours, allowing you to get on with your life. visit us at www.seladisputeresolution.com for more info
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5 Reasons Unity Between a Mom and Dad Is So Important
It’s a natural game for kids to play: If Mom says no to something, “Let’s see what Dad says!” If you’ve ever said yes when your spouse said no, you’ve discovered that family unity is important—and that unity between parents is critical to a healthy household and for healthy kids. But it’s also important in a child’s life whose parents are divorced, separated, or are part of a blended family.
I know a mom who recently found questionable content on her son’s phone, but when she brought it to her ex-husband’s attention, he refused to help her deal with it. Kids should be discouraged from provoking such divisions, but it’s up to parents to be unified about being unified. Even though it’s not always possible or easy, there are several reasons to pursue unity in parenting.
1. Unity helps both parents build strong relationships with the kids.
If you play good cop/bad cop, one of the parents loses. And if the same parent plays “bad cop” on a regular basis, it compounds the effect. It can cause long-term problems when one parent is consistently seen as “good” or friendlier to the kids than the other one. But when you are united, you both benefit from the “good” decisions and you both share responsibility for the “bad” ones. You facilitate family unity, too.
2. Unity helps cultivate respect for both parents.
Disunity can encourage disrespect of either or both parents. When kids see discord constantly between their parents, they often pick up on the roots of the disagreements. And if one parent is dismissive of the other, that attitude is passed on to the kids. Unity, however, even when there might be disagreements in the decision-making process, forces the kids to deal with a united front. It’s easier to respect a united front than a divided house.
3. Unity of parents helps build the character of the kids.
“When a couple is united on tough decisions, a child’s character will benefit.”
Like water seeks a low point, kids will gravitate to the path of least resistance. If they can manipulate the parents to get their way, it encourages the children always to work to beat the system rather than to build their character. But when a couple is united on tough decisions—such as on issues of discipline and virtues like honesty and integrity—a child’s character will benefit.
4. Unity models healthy marriage dynamics for your kids.
Disagreements are inevitable in parenting. But when we handle those conflicts in a healthy, respectful way, the kids see what they need to desire and be like when they are married later. Even if you don’t always agree with your spouse, backing each other up shows your kids that you respect each other. And if you’re not sure about your spouse’s position on a matter, tell your children you want to check with their mom/dad first and that you’ll get back to them with an answer.
5. Family unity now builds a stronger marriage for later.
How you parent together now will affect how you love and live together down the road. If you allow the parenting years to be filled with constant discord, arguments, putdowns, or surrender caused by disagreements (especially in front of the kids), you’ll be chipping away at the peace and harmony you’ll want and need when the house is empty. Try to have a long-term view of not only your relationship with your kids but your relationship with your spouse.
Sound off: What other benefits do you see in being unified as parents?
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Brett K. Duncan
July 2 at 6:24 AM ·
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SELA Dispute Resolution
October 12, 2020 at 10:57 AM ·
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Finding Forgiveness After Divorce
It can be the most difficult part of a divorce or breakup. Yet successfully do this might also be the most important part of the process. What it is? Finding Forgiveness.
But how does one find forgiveness after a divorce or breakup? Here are 3 ways.
1. Grieve.
Divorce is emotionally equivalent to death. Like after the death of a loved one, a person must go through the natural stages of grief after a divorce. Immediately jumping into a new relationship, even if your ex-spouse has moved on, cuts the grieving process short and results in more scarring. Someone in your life is gone, and sadly, for many who face divorce, it’s an entire family lost. Grieving is healthy and bridges the ability to forgive your spouse or yourself.
2. Find support.
It will be challenging to maintain healthy relationships with the mutual friends you made with your ex-spouse, but not impossible. Be prepared for the loss of some good friends who choose a side. You must venture out and find friends who will support you from other circles such as work, support groups, close relatives, or old friends. Turning to a church may feel awkward or emotionally impossible, but it can be one of the best places to find people to rely on. For me, keeping my faith and prayer life healthy during tough times has given me hope and gives me the strength to seek forgiveness.
3. Allow time.
Time is not an enemy, but a friend who can help craft a new person.
Forgiveness takes time. Even after the grieving process is complete, we need to rediscover who they are in this life stage. Some may be single working parents, some may have limited parental rights, some may have joint custody, and others may be bachelors again. Time is not an enemy, but a friend who can help craft a new person. Allow for time to help you heal and forgive.
Sound off: What can you do to begin the process of forgiveness?
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SELA Dispute Resolution
December 18, 2020 at 1:00 PM ·
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SELA Dispute Resolution
December 14, 2020 at 2:38 PM ·
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